How To Be Alone

HOW TO BE ALONE

If you are at first lonely, be patient. If you've not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren't okay with it, then just wait. You'll find it's fine to be alone once you're embracing it.

We could start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library. Where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books. You're not supposed to talk much anyway so it's safe there.

There's also the gym. If you're shy you could hang out with yourself in mirrors, you could put headphones in.

And there's public transportation, because we all gotta go places.

And there's prayer and meditation. No one will think less if you're hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.

Start simple. Things you may have previously based on your avoid being alone principals.

The lunch counter. Where you will be surrounded by chow-downers. Employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town and so they -- like you -- will be alone.

Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.

When you are comfortable with eat lunch and run, take yourself out for dinner. A restaurant with linen and silverware. You're no less intriguing a person when you're eating solo dessert to cleaning the whipped cream from the dish with your finger. In fact some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.

Go to the movies. Where it is dark and soothing. Alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community.
And then, take yourself out dancing to a club where no one knows you. Stand on the outside of the floor till the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one's watching...because, they're probably not. And, if they are, assume it is with best of human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is, after all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you're sweating, and beads of perspiration remind you of life's best things, down your back like a brook of blessings.

Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you.
Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, there're always statues to talk to and benches made for sitting give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversations you get in by sitting alone on benches might've never happened had you not been there by yourself

Society is afraid of alonedom, like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, like people must have problems if, after a while, nobody is dating them. but lonely is a freedom that breaths easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it.

You could stand, swathed by groups and mobs or hold hands with your partner, look both further and farther for the endless quest for company. But no one's in your head and by the time you translate your thoughts, some essence of them may be lost or perhaps it is just kept.

Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school's groaning were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. Cuz if you're happy in your head than solitude is blessed and alone is okay.

It's okay if no one believes like you. All experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can't think like you, for this be releived, keeps things interesting lifes magic things in reach.

And it doesn't mean you're not connected, that communitie's not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. take silence and respect it. if you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it. if your family doesn't get you, or religious sect is not meant for you, don't obsess about it.

you could be in an instant surrounded if you needed it
If your heart is bleeding make the best of it
There is heat in freezing, be a testament.

Why?

All I got is questions...
Why is this happening to me? What did I do?
Why am I falling into this mental Funk again?
Why is it that my parents raised me to be caring, and loving, and emotional, with my heart on my sleeve that I have grown into this people person.. Why do I depend on people which are more unstable then I am. Toxic friends they say? What is so bad about some Toxicity?
Shoot a year and a half ago I went looking for some money for some photos, and turned what was a simply photo shoot into a giant fetish burlesque model career, I'm now performing and doing photoshoots and getting paid for it.
Im a good student I've been trucking through the last 5 years of school for what purpose? To get this piece of paper from a school to tell the world I'm smart and worthy of a good job? and the fact that i have to give myself a 20 min pep rally to talk myself into taking the walk up to class, to listening in class, to actually taking the extra time to study, to talk myself into some fake reason of why i need to learn this.. Learn about Poly sci it helps you make informed decisions and how to make your government work for you... why anthropology, learning about some old language that isn't even used anymore.. we speak for communication purposes, why do we need to nit pick it!? math 110? A fucking joke! Concept Reasoning in a model fashion... what the flying fuck!?! i just drilled my ass off through algebra to get to this bullshit? are fucking kidding me? This makes out of the box look like its normal everyday thinking.. not to mention i had to blow off my biology class, cuz i couldn't handle mr richard simmons bug loving nazi.. its called biology for non majors! non majors! that means we have absolutely no interest in it, and only taking this class cuz we have to! so quit putting salt in the wound and just throw us the page and chapter numbers so we can study for the test..
Work? oh man you don't even want to go there... I get more for my traveling check then i do for my actually hourly paycheck.. i travel a half hour drive to work a drive.. wtf? but i get led to believe that i finally got my dream job of bartending, i go into what i believe is my orientation, come to find out.. its a second interview.. who has those for entry level positions.. i'm not working for corporate.. or making a life career change?! and the government wonders why people sit at home and live off of un-employment checks..
Social life? bah! i want to go back to the self reliant person i once was.. me and my dog against the world, if someone came through cool it was good chatting with you, if you leave me i'm still ok because you aren't upturning my world.. people to drink with, go to the club with or whatever silly reason to have fun.. I have few and far between; it seems like i'm the well kept secret.. tried taking that as a compliment for a while, like ooh yay i'm this special that someone would keep me a secret so that we can have this little bit instead of nothing at all.. but whats teh sense in the end? i'm still the secret, i still dont exist, and that person is having the best of both worlds.. their world that is already great, and the benefit of me on top of that.. if they loose me, meh they have the rest of their life, when i loose them, its a major hole that is a nasty reminder every day and what isn't there any more. I"m not talking about merely friendship, or merely relationship, ecause this is happening in both aspects of my life. My best friend, my right hand man, and my probably only true connection with someone on a true level... has me catagorized under the "dirty little secrets" category. They can turn me out of their life whenever they deem fit, and what am i to do about it? I can't say or do anything, except have my consant reminders of damn that was a real awesome time, but fuck its not here anymore.. what else can i grasp too to help me, who can i talk to when I need words of comfort, to comfort me tell me everything will be alright (even though they are seriously that fucked up!) but their words put that blanket of nieveness that I can take shelter in, ignorance is bliss, why can't i have that little comfort? This is all just mentally for me.. I am in such a mental funk its stupid. Why is it that i blurbed my way into having 2 extra days to study for a test.. but didn't do anything with the extra time.. stared at my notes and books for 4 hours yesterday and didn't learn one thing.. even after me grounding myself to my kitchen table til I was done.. what did i do? stayed there for four hours staring out my window.. then decided to just go to bed.. couldn't sleep.. but for somereason some how i cried myself to sleep for the first time in years.. i found comfort in my own tears.

I just Want to be Happy and Content with one single Man

Is that too much to ask for? To want to be loved? To be able to have trust, passion, intimacy with one such man? Does a man even exist? To be able to have his one single undying compassion so that I can feel on top of the world? To be able to click and compliment each other, physically, mentally, sexually, and morally? My personal vendetta continues...

Why??

Every single person in this world waits for love in their life. Some people say love didn't come to them but it was right in front of their eyes. Some people wait a lifetime for true love, I should know, I'm still waiting for my true love. It's amazing the things you realize when you lose someone: you get mad at yourself for not saying the things you could have a million times, you take for granted the days spent doing nothing when you could have been with them. Anyone can be taken, at any time in our lives, but we always wait until they're gone to say the things we never had the courage to before. You'll never understand why I hurt so much because you're not the one who is crying, you're not the one who is left behind, you're not the one who loved too much, and you're not the one who is holding on to someone who is gone. I cried when I knew I lost you, afraid I had lost it all. Then I realized that losing you, didn't have to mean I lost me. The fear about losing a loved one is the fear of change itself. Being used to one person, day after day, then to one day wake up all alone, a whole new day. Think of it as a chance to start over to learn from the past and make a brand new beginning. They say, 'Time heals all wounds.' If that is true, then I guess mine go deeper than pain. There are no words to choose over losing you. I guess I found out out too late, and now all I feel is heartbreak that only hurts when I breathe. Grief is a profound part of recovery and new life. Tears of regrets, remorse and despair waters the roots of love and life itself. To deny and avoid the hurts and pains of life's losses is to negate life's importance . Remember me when you are gone, far to the beyond, away from me. A journey I cannot go with you on, even though you are going for good. I have tried for tears not to fall from my eyes. Keep alive the beautiful times we share, and take it to heart that my love for you is ever sure. Remember me. Oh, remember me, for memory may fade but they never die.
I believe the saddest thing in life, is caring so much for someone and then one day you look into their eyes and listen to them talk and realize that they are gone. All you see in front of you is a stranger with just a known name. Some people think that it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go...

Woman Seeking Man Personal add

I don't know whats going on right now, Craig called me and said post to my list, and I was like how did you get my number, he said, "nevermind that now you have a job to do, you're on a mission, post to my list damn it, do it, do it now..." so I began to post and I started to post a lamp to sell, because I wasn't sure what Craig meant, by post, and do it now...... but then Hershel and the Hanukkah Goblins called me as I started to list a lamp for sale that I really did not want to sell in the first place, because it's a nice lamp, not super nice, but nice enough to hold on to. I said, "What the hell do you want Hershel, Hanukkah is over with, what are you doing making calls in January?", he replied, "That's not important, don't sell that lamp, it was a gift from your sister, she'd never let you forget it if you sold it on Craigs spectacular list." I responded, "Thanks for stopping me Hershel, because I really do want to keep this lamp. But, Craig told me to post to his list, I don't want to upset him or the entire internet economy and community, what should I post and where?", and Hershel was right on time when he whispered silently into his Blackberry, "well you know how you've been thinking about finding someone to date or have a possible long term relationship with?", and I said, "Yeah, what about it!? You got a Fucking problem with that Hershel!? What the hell is wrong with that, what!? You can and the Hanukkah Goblins can find and meet your significant others, but I can't seek out happiness, you've got some nerve-" he interrupted with, "Listen you shmendrick, I'm trying to tell you to post to the classifieds to find a manthrough the modern means of cyberspace to find love, you can even tell him how you're willing to lie about how you met!", so I said, "Oh, I see, yes, yes, excellent idea, thank you once again Hershel, this is two I owe you, don't think I forgot about that time in Colombia when you saved me from getting killed by that Cocaine Drug-lord, I swear I didn't owe him any money, that wasn't my Kilo in the trunk" then he said, "What are you doing still talking to me, post already, post damn it....." and I said, "what should I write?" but he had already hung up, so I walked over to my neighbors house in my underwear and told him this story and asked what I should write on craigslist, but then I remembered my neighbor doesn't speak English, so I came back home and now I am writing this post. Ummm... I guess you would like to hear about me, well, I brush my teeth everyday, and I always make sure to wear deodorant, oh and I shower regularly. I live in metro detroit, and am a whole lot of fun, I'm not just saying that, I really am a lot of fun.. hold on... my phones ringing... god damnit, it's Hershel.... let me see what he wants...... Ok, he said to make sure to write that I don't date men who have more than three dicks, hes probably just still shook up from that run in we got to on planet omicron persei eight in the degaba system, and yes sometimes Hershel takes me on space odysseys to other galaxies. Umm, I'm really sweet and nice.... Uh, and you can ask any questions you have and we can get to know each other that way, by conversation, it'll be an adventure. I'm beautiful, and I'm not just saying that either..... Oh, and if you send me your picture I will send you mine.... How bout you tell me a story about yourself...... And as Hershel stated, I'd be willing to lie about how we met....

Thinking Way Out of The Box

Sit back and think...
I never wanted to leave your side; I was afraid to lose you, but then reality hit me - you never felt the same, I had been floating on a fake cloud. You trampled my heart and didn't even know it...

Like a rose wilting and dying, so feels my heart. You trampled the most fragile thing in my body, and didn't even know it. I thought you felt the same as me...

As in all moral panics, an accusation is enough to destroy a person's life. Hysteria trumps evidence! When one person makes an accusation, check 2 be sure he himself is not the guilty one. Sometimes it's those whose case is weak who make the most clamour! She racked her brain for words scathing enough to convey her o...pinion of their actions. When nothing came 2 her, she settled for the one unanswerable accusation...See More

...mysteriously and in ways that are totally remote from normal experience, the gray drizzle of horror induced by depression takes on the quality of physical pain ... it's entirely natural that the victim begins to think ceaselessly of oblivion...

Thinking

If it develops into real love, it will offer you sanctuary and real freedom. When two people know that they both want the strength of a relationship, the combination is bigger and better than either of them could hope to be alone. Freedom in a relationship is knowing that the other person cares about you no matter what.
Love does not make you vulnerable. Insufficient personality makes you vulnerable. If there is a weakness in your personality, fix it. Love cannot hurt you. It is an expression of appreciation and it gives life. It doesn't take it away.If you want something too badly, it can be painful. The lesson is that you should never covet.
I have misplaced my values so many times I can't count em all, but I believe it taught me the difference between love and ego. You are strong for putting your thoughts out there. That's how you find answers. I don't claim to have them, but I go out there too.

So True...

Because we do not know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that is so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more. Perhaps not even that. How many times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.
What is depression really? Is there one concrete definition, or has the meaning loosened as our generation has continued it's downhill descent? To me, depression is simply my life. I'm not suicidal. I'm not a cutter. I don't hate the world. I don't dress completely in black. I'm just sad. I've been sad for what feels like my entire life, but that's not true. I was happy once and I can vaguely remember what it felt like, but I can't touch it. I can't get that happiness back, I don't know how. That's what depression is to me, knowing what happiness is, but never being able to touch it, to feel it. One of the worst feelings in the world is loneliness. Sitting in the dark by yourself in the wee hours of the night gently crying. Nobody knows what's going on with you. How could anybody realize what's happening? Everybody you know is resting peacefully in their bed awaiting the new day tomorrow. But for you, there's no difference in the days. They pass monotonously. And before you know it, it's all gone. Sometimes you can cry until there is nothing left wet in you. You can scream and curse to where your throat rebels and ruptures. You can pray all you want to whatever god you think will listen. And still, it makes no difference. It goes on, with no sign as to when it might release you. And you know that if it ever did relent... it would not be because it cared. Reality has exiled me; I am no longer bound by it's laws. No more joy - No more sadness - No emotion - Only madness. I can't see. I don't feel. I can't touch. I don't heal.