Monday, October 26, 2009
Today was a good Day- I think the depression is over
All the times I write in this thing its cuz of this or that; well this time things went awesome! Since yesterday! Went to a new church... had a service from 11a-130.. very long, but very rewarding; he was very easy to relate to.. then had some awesome breakfast at bombers. Then took a well needed nap went to work.. work was good; reminds me of why I'm going to school. Then came home and got my desk all cleaned off... didn't realize the top of my desk was brown.. lol. Woke up this morning wasn't too awfully tired.. had a good day at work... then came home.. found out I have a job interview tomorrow... looks positive... wish me luck *crosses fingers* then I spent a good hr getting math homework done.. actually got the hang of things... wow Algebra making sense.. wha?? lol. Got a free fish tank! 55 gal and stand! free! $200 for free! i love karma! Then got my car back.. and found a converter for only $20 here in Ypsi. THen had a good easy shift with Eoneda.. sucks her and I are coming to an end. :( 1 year gone glad I kept a job over a year just to be given a 2 weeks notice! GAH! ok ne whoo today good day.. tomorrow will be better. I'm starting my work out regimen... so i got an interview at 830a. then got math.. i actually got all my hw done.. then gotta go review this psych.. haven't been to that class in like 2 weeks! oops... got a test that opens tom... then I hvae to throw together my swrk paper for class. then after class I gotta take this math test. that my teacher so gracefully extended for me.. then gotta work out.. then my chica is comin to take me out to dinner! whom i haven't seen lynae in forever! so tom will be a good day.. then perhaps scrubbing my new tank clean for my baby. And move her in.. speaking of which i gotta go branch hunting so then she has something to climb onto. comfy bed here a come... and yet somehow during the process of giving my apartment a face lift i arranged it unknowingly that I can lay in my bed and watch my tv in the other room :) ya tv and bed!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Sick & Tired
i'm just sick and tired of putting all my effort into something and have it turn out to be so perfect and then it just gets taken away like a snap of my fingers
.. everything.. work.. school.. this retarted excuse of a relationship that i was working on the fact its been what.. 2.. 3 years... and yet somehow why am I not over adam?! Probably explains why it hurts so much when I kept myself so gaurded for so long and let one single person in a little.. they came moved into my heart and just up and left.. "oh me and my x are about to get back together and it'll help if you don't call or text me.. but its ok if you stop by the shop"... i can't call or text him.. but when I need him to help me like yesterday he's there... when i go out of my way up to the shop where he works we have a great time while he works.. just great times and conversation.. like nothing is wrong.. then reality kicks in.. why the heck am i doing this when he's treating me this way.. why do i sign myself up for this?!
the more people.. not just guys i meet the more i like my dogs I keep rereading my poem of why i'm single.. trying to build my walls back up trying to harden up trying to reassure myself that things will pan out... this is not the end.. you won't end up along like your 84 year old grandma who lives by herself and is going crazy inside her house of which she refuses to get out of.. admist all your friends who are already having kids and getting married... things will pan out but its not looking that way..
They say you need to make yourself whole and be happy with yourself before somebody will want you.. which is true and understandable... But how do I fill this deep black abyss of a hole? God? New friends? Getting more physically fit? Better job?
.. everything.. work.. school.. this retarted excuse of a relationship that i was working on the fact its been what.. 2.. 3 years... and yet somehow why am I not over adam?! Probably explains why it hurts so much when I kept myself so gaurded for so long and let one single person in a little.. they came moved into my heart and just up and left.. "oh me and my x are about to get back together and it'll help if you don't call or text me.. but its ok if you stop by the shop"... i can't call or text him.. but when I need him to help me like yesterday he's there... when i go out of my way up to the shop where he works we have a great time while he works.. just great times and conversation.. like nothing is wrong.. then reality kicks in.. why the heck am i doing this when he's treating me this way.. why do i sign myself up for this?!
the more people.. not just guys i meet the more i like my dogs I keep rereading my poem of why i'm single.. trying to build my walls back up trying to harden up trying to reassure myself that things will pan out... this is not the end.. you won't end up along like your 84 year old grandma who lives by herself and is going crazy inside her house of which she refuses to get out of.. admist all your friends who are already having kids and getting married... things will pan out but its not looking that way..
They say you need to make yourself whole and be happy with yourself before somebody will want you.. which is true and understandable... But how do I fill this deep black abyss of a hole? God? New friends? Getting more physically fit? Better job?
Stuck in a Rut
This morning all started with the railroad tracks eating my car so it broke my car; got in trouble with the 1st job... got in a fight with dad over the car; drove the car home at like 25mph all the way back to clinton which took like an hr and half of my day that i did not have. jenni and i got into a fight over friggin 20 bucks... cuz she got her bf into our business and he just started running his mouth..so he shut off my internet which made me miss my testing window which mad e me fail it after i spent all this time studying for it... then so they wouldn't give me my kiys back so i had to go spend more money i did not have to go buy new locks to my house...
so iw as like 1/;2 hr late to my second job messing with the stupid locks.. so then got home to a dead phone to a voicemail from my second boss i never called her back then finally got the internet on my phone to work and chattd with you and just kept getting frustrated so i just went for a run... ended up running into some douchbags racist bastards just harrasing the crap out of me so its like i friggin give up
went to bed way to late then woke up to my mom pounding on my door cuz i turned my ringer off to wisk me away to the airport taking up time i needed to finish homework to go get a flu shot... and here i am cuz by the time we got back it was to late to go to class
and yet on top of all of these i've been trying to get out of this rut of a depression spree i'm in i hate it i'm too lazy to do half the things i need to do my procrastination is at an all time high my best friend is moving at the end of the month i still haven't found another job.. my two jobs that i do have keep canceling hours on me... money is retartedly tight.. and its just seriously frustrating.
i'm trying to find a church to get into out here but everyone is so caught up in their ignorance its like people forget the fact that we are talking about church not a club house... oh and to top the cake... my relationship tightrope has been so retarted... not even goign to go there... butt hats what screwed up me going to church cuz i was going with him.
i just keep finding myself resorting to going to bed and i hate that... i hate the fact that righ tnwo i'm fighting so hard to not to go to bed.. its not cuz i'm tired.. shoot i went to bed at 11. and didn't wake up til 8.. thats the most sleep i've gotten in forever... its just cuz i dno't want to stay up.. its not cuz i don't have a gazillion things to do here around the house, or the gadzooks amount of homework.. i just don't want to be here.
here...
my house... ypsi..
school.. work..
thats why i was traveling so much i did not want to be here. to be surrounded by my so called "friends" my jobs which i'm hanging onto my threads... my school which makes me feel dumber day by day.. oh it'll pay off keep doing it... ypsi cuz its ghetto trash that got kickd out of detroit... my house reminding me of all the good times i use to have in here... or even outside now cuz its retartedly cold
so iw as like 1/;2 hr late to my second job messing with the stupid locks.. so then got home to a dead phone to a voicemail from my second boss i never called her back then finally got the internet on my phone to work and chattd with you and just kept getting frustrated so i just went for a run... ended up running into some douchbags racist bastards just harrasing the crap out of me so its like i friggin give up
went to bed way to late then woke up to my mom pounding on my door cuz i turned my ringer off to wisk me away to the airport taking up time i needed to finish homework to go get a flu shot... and here i am cuz by the time we got back it was to late to go to class
and yet on top of all of these i've been trying to get out of this rut of a depression spree i'm in i hate it i'm too lazy to do half the things i need to do my procrastination is at an all time high my best friend is moving at the end of the month i still haven't found another job.. my two jobs that i do have keep canceling hours on me... money is retartedly tight.. and its just seriously frustrating.
i'm trying to find a church to get into out here but everyone is so caught up in their ignorance its like people forget the fact that we are talking about church not a club house... oh and to top the cake... my relationship tightrope has been so retarted... not even goign to go there... butt hats what screwed up me going to church cuz i was going with him.
i just keep finding myself resorting to going to bed and i hate that... i hate the fact that righ tnwo i'm fighting so hard to not to go to bed.. its not cuz i'm tired.. shoot i went to bed at 11. and didn't wake up til 8.. thats the most sleep i've gotten in forever... its just cuz i dno't want to stay up.. its not cuz i don't have a gazillion things to do here around the house, or the gadzooks amount of homework.. i just don't want to be here.
here...
my house... ypsi..
school.. work..
thats why i was traveling so much i did not want to be here. to be surrounded by my so called "friends" my jobs which i'm hanging onto my threads... my school which makes me feel dumber day by day.. oh it'll pay off keep doing it... ypsi cuz its ghetto trash that got kickd out of detroit... my house reminding me of all the good times i use to have in here... or even outside now cuz its retartedly cold
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
I'm doing Me
Im focused on getting my life where it should be and im not running up behind anybody to make them feel better...Understand where im at or don't try to b...e in my life cuz im not stopping...Im gone keep it moving for me!!!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Why Art is so Important Brainstorming Session...On paper
“The man who has been properly nurtured in this area [the Arts], will be keenly aware of things which have been neglected, things not beautifully made by art or nature. He will rightly resent them, he will praise beautiful things, rejoice in them, receive them into his soul, be nurtured by them and become good and beautiful in character”.
-Plato
“What is Art?” The formula they developed to define a work of art - what makes the art object special - was the idea that Art as a concept is both an Object and a Quality. Art is an object - a physical, tangible thing - but it possesses a special Quality that makes it a work of Art. For the Ancient Greek philosophers this special Quality was Beauty. They believed that Beauty was a quality within the art object itself; it inhabited an object created by the hands of the artist. In other words, a very beautiful object, created by the hand of man, was a work of art.
Art Object, possessing the special Quality of Beauty, would trigger in the viewer a feeling that we now call “the aesthetic experience”. An aesthetic experience is one in which an object’s beauty moves us on a deeply intellectual, emotional or spiritual level. You are affected by the work of art; you are moved by it; its beauty touches you on some deep level. This is what separates art objects from common objects
define the Object, the Quality and the Aesthetic Experience?
“art (art), n. 1. The quality, production, or expression of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance”.
Ok. They do mention quality, production (the object) and beauty - but “appealing, or of more than ordinary significance”? At noon today, I will be hungry for lunch and I will have in front of me an object (my sandwich) that I made with my own two hands. Because I am hungry, the sandwich will be very appealing, and will have, for me at that moment, more than ordinary significance. Is it a work of Art? I don’t think so.
There is really no such thing as Art. There are only artists
-Plato
“What is Art?” The formula they developed to define a work of art - what makes the art object special - was the idea that Art as a concept is both an Object and a Quality. Art is an object - a physical, tangible thing - but it possesses a special Quality that makes it a work of Art. For the Ancient Greek philosophers this special Quality was Beauty. They believed that Beauty was a quality within the art object itself; it inhabited an object created by the hands of the artist. In other words, a very beautiful object, created by the hand of man, was a work of art.
Art Object, possessing the special Quality of Beauty, would trigger in the viewer a feeling that we now call “the aesthetic experience”. An aesthetic experience is one in which an object’s beauty moves us on a deeply intellectual, emotional or spiritual level. You are affected by the work of art; you are moved by it; its beauty touches you on some deep level. This is what separates art objects from common objects
define the Object, the Quality and the Aesthetic Experience?
“art (art), n. 1. The quality, production, or expression of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance”.
Ok. They do mention quality, production (the object) and beauty - but “appealing, or of more than ordinary significance”? At noon today, I will be hungry for lunch and I will have in front of me an object (my sandwich) that I made with my own two hands. Because I am hungry, the sandwich will be very appealing, and will have, for me at that moment, more than ordinary significance. Is it a work of Art? I don’t think so.
There is really no such thing as Art. There are only artists
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Student of Zen
i am Raging calm, collective and cunning. i am the personality of Budo. a key to unlocking a complete nothingness in a world void of everything. to understand is to complete the incompleted, it would be like an artless art consisting of the animal fragments of nothing, teaming with small disconnected notions that are insufficient to form any rational thought of me or my personality.
hmm the describing of myself is limited considering anything i say may be bais
hmm the describing of myself is limited considering anything i say may be bais
A Domination in the Relationship
....the truth runs deeper than that and we both know it. You may be very accomplished in your daily life, but you will never be complete until a truly dominant man rules you. You crave the strong hand and creative mind of a physically powerful and attractive man. A dark man whose dominant nature runs to his core. By his side your cares and fears melt away as you are finally free to release yourself and soar. Deep down you ache to serve this man who inspires you and commands your respect. You long to be disciplined, tested, and restrained by this man, but most importantly, you seek this man who values friendships, family, and all that life has to offer as much as you do... Release yourself, Let go!
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