The Quiz says I'm Outgoing.. and couragous... hmm..

Your Outgoingness or Courage

Your an outgoing kid who will not let anything push you into the crowd. Your up for anything and everything and will let nothing get you down. You do things your own way, and you know how to get things done. Though, not everyone will see your adventurous charm as a wonderful quality. You just need to understand that not everything is always your way, and work around it.

My Archive Book mark

http://www.my-diary.org/read/?read=68276 <<< Online Archive of my old Poems

http://shanna2005.livejournal.com/ << Semi Old Online Journal

http://sheepkiller.deadjournal.com/ << Real Old Online Journal

http://shanna_2005.tripod.com/?404=Y << Really Old Self Webpage

The Ending note on Stephen Munyaradzi Mbidzo

March 12, 1982-March 13, 2009 Stephen Munyaradzi Mbidzo, 27, of Mt. Pleasant, passed away on Monday, March 13, 2009, in Lansing.
A Mass of Christian Burial for Stephen will be held on Thursday, April 16, at 11 a.m. at Sacred Heart Catholic Church with Fr. Loren Kalinowski officiating. Interment will follow in Calvary Cemetery. The family will receive friends on Wednesday, April 15, from 7-9 p.m., at Clark Family Funeral Chapel and on Thursday, April 16, from 10 a.m. until the time of service at Sacred Heart Catholic Church. There will be a prayer service Wednesday evening at 7:30 p.m. at the funeral chapel.





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Body in river is man from G. Rapids

Kevin Grasha • kgrasha@lsj.com • April 14, 2009 • From Lansing State Journal

ST. JOHNS - Investigators are trying to piece together the last days in the life of a 27-year-old man, originally from Zimbabwe, whose body was found Thursday in the Grand River.

Authorities on Monday identified the man as Stephen Munyaradzi Mbidzo of Grand Rapids.

Mbidzo was last seen March 13 at the Village at Chandler Crossings, an apartment complex in Bath Township, Clinton County sheriff's officials said.

He was with a friend and met some people at the complex, said Sheriff Wayne Kangas.

Investigators are trying to determine who was with Mbidzo last.

"There's a lot of people involved and a lot of things involved. It's going to take some time to sort out," Kangas said. "A lot of people need to be interviewed to find out what happened to this guy."

The death is considered suspicious.

An autopsy was performed Friday, but no visible signs of trauma were found, said Detective Sgt. Fritz Sandberg.

Mbidzo's body was found in a secluded section of the river in Eagle Township. He was wearing only socks.

His identity was determined through a fingerprint analysis, Kangas said.

Investigators are awaiting the results of toxicology tests, which could take several months.

Mbidzo's parents, who live in Mount Pleasant, reported him missing to Michigan State Police in late March, Kangas said.

Gugulethu Mabuza, of East Lansing, who knew Mbidzo, said Monday in a telephone interview that he is trying to figure out what happened.

"It's an absolute mystery," he said. "I wish I knew more to tell you."
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Cause of death, ID of man pulled from river unknown

Official: No visible signs of trauma found in autopsy

Kevin Grasha • kgrasha@lsj.com • April 11, 2009 • From Lansing State Journal

ST. JOHNS - Investigators don't know what caused the death of a still-unidentified man whose body was pulled Thursday from the Grand River in Eagle Township.

An autopsy was performed Friday, but no visible signs of trauma were found, said Clinton County sheriff's Detective Sgt. Fritz Sandberg.

He said the man was black, between 20 and 40 years old. He was wearing only socks.

"I can't tell you any more than that, as there were not any identifiable tattoos or markings on the body," Sandberg said.

He said it could not be determined how long the man's body had been in the water.

Police are awaiting toxicology and laboratory results.

The death is being called suspicious.

A nearby resident saw the body Thursday morning partially submerged in the water and called 911.

Sandberg described that stretch of the river, north of State Road, as extremely secluded.

Anyone with information is urged to call (989) 227-6523.

Fed Up

*fed up with school. cuz i'm working insanely hard.. and i'm sick of it so i'm craming 2 years worth of classes in 1 1/2 by taking 5 classes a semester (18 credits) so i can graduate by next x-mas.. but who knows if i'll even have a job.. they say it'll pay off one day but who knows, i see people working at mcds who have bachelor degrees..
*fed up with my job... ya great job.. i sit and watch a man sleep and keep him from dying.. and i stay up all night... and at my other job with watching people piss away their money getting themselves shit faced... and my 3rd job with my life skills coaching job.. because no matter what help i try to do for my client i keep on running into red tape and how i can't do everything I'm capable of doing...
*fed up with my social life.. because true friends that i have to count on are one if a million.. and yet when its comes down to it i'm alone.. and i'm having fun trying to deal with the fact it is seriously me and my dog against the world...
*fed up with relationships... real ones do not exist.. boot call user ones exist all around.. bam bam thank you mam.. oh you got morals? sorry i can't handle your friendship... so you get ditched to the curb because you supposedly think you are right in things...
*fed up with money because I work 3 jobs and work my ass off, and get paid double digits at two of them yet after everything is done and paid i'm still butt broke...
fed up with people in general becaus this world is literally going to hell... from the disrepsectful kids in class that talk when you're trying to listen to the teacher.. the kid who has the odacity to talk on his fucking cell phone during class! wtf! or the guys here that think they are the gods gift to women.. and the next best thing next to sliced bread. egos out of this world.. but you're the
needy female that can't go on living with out them!
and
*fed up with myself because i eat right, i eat healthy do the whole do it right thing.. frickin work out almost everyday and do swim every day. yet i am not changing.. and the dr is telling me that i cannot do all of this because of my knee.
so yes i'm fed up
to the brim.. i'm done.

Retartedly Happy

I am stupid happy about completely unplanned surprises. I am totally caught off guard and I don't mind in the slightest. I think I need to be tranquilized. :)

I got to run this morning. I haven't been able to for the past two days because of rain and wind. I'm not that hardcore. It's amazing how quickly a body can get used to NOT doing something. I got so tired in the second mile today, but I'm glad I completed it. The endurance is building! I almost never get winded at practice anymore and I can walk forever. I'd like to do some tromping around on foot this summer. I'm definitely in need of some exploration time.

Get this crap out of my head

shit is definitely hitting the fan.. enough to fucking break it..my x adam has always been my best friend.. between him and montoya and stephen.. well hes off doing him. chris left and is now at fort sill doing him.. and then come t find out stephen my like best friend for the last 4 years come to find out it has been a bold face fucking lying the entire time... even for the 2 months we dated.. it has been nothing but him taking advantage of me..
that ijust found out from his pregnant fiance from her finding my number in his phone records.. because he is now missing.. and its like I look around.. and besides jenni and my dog.. if I diappeared absolutely no one would notice..and my birthday was my reality check.. I try to ignore it and just distract myself by staying insanely busy working 2 jobs.. and doing classes full time and going to therec working out all my frustrations. so ya me in a nutt shell.. im about to leave this country and not look back.. to what... just go out and be a europe hippy traveling every where... im seriously considering it... I've just been sitting back here realizing im by myself.. im on my own by myself doing me.. now I gotta go do something and go somehwere for me..I guess the one thing that really helped clean out my friends list was a lot of my friends are guys and then they got girlfriends who have major insecurities.. and im so sick of girls that are so ignorant they can't handle the thought that I can be friends with their ma and not be banging them on the side.. so me nd whoever just stop talking because of their new found gf.. and its like dang
everyone is movng on doing their thing.. shootmy ex tim that I was dating the summer b4 adam and I dated.. he got friggin married last month.. what kind of asshole sends us a message.. hey happy birthday.. just wanted to let u know that I got married too ...... what kind of crap is that.

So ya the crap that is flowing around my head..

Country Bumpkin vs. City Slicker

Well I'm sitting here at Clarkes Diner grabbed something to eat-or lack there of. No I'm not sitting here merely to avoid my house. To be honest its because I am scared to walk home. And I hate this feeling. I hate being afraid. I hate being alone-I just am not happy with the whole sitution I am in...and it is like my hands are tied as too how I can get out of it. I finally get a good opportunity but it comes at the price of my sanity. Ever since I was a little girl I've always had this mind set that the country is the ideal place to be-but the city has more oppurtunities but at a price that I don't want to pay. In the country you only merely have to worry about a occasional wild animal here and there. A safe haven where you don't have to always look over your shoulder constantly or be secret agent aware of the people around you or your surroundings. The country is a haven where you can leave your house open to loet fresh air in while you run to town- and when you return you don't have to worry about who busted into your house-just whether you forgot to close the windows when it rained. It's a place where people can do errands around town and leave their doors unlocked or their windows rolled down. A place where people have dogs not as protectors but as companions- as man's best friend. The country is the most peaceful at night where you welcome the darkness and embrace it. Where you might carry a flash light as a means to find your way. Not like the city where when it becomes night time it does not indeed become night time; but orange time. Where it doesn't relax you- but puts you more on edge where the orange glow of night time in the city is falsehood to make a person feel safe because your sight is not as dampered while meandering around pas dusk. That when in the city you actually encounter that dark area that carries nightime's true colors instead of being at ease you are scared almost to the point of being terrified. Instead of having a flashlight to help you- you are by society to arm yourself. Whether it comes in the form of mace, or a knife or even to the point of a gun. The once peaceful- calming refuge of darkness is turned into your enemy and intentions of causing you harm. That everyone that approaches you is defaulted as your enemy and is out to cause you harm in one way or another; until proven otherwise. That the city turns your "charming countryside bumpkin character" into a stupid thing that a fool would possess because they are nieve.
Before I moved to the city on the rare occasion when I would dream it would be a precious moment relived; or a scenario that goes your way. But the few times when your slumber time was interrupted by a adrenaline pupming nightmare- it was about something bogus and totally out of this world. Like you falling forever or the dinosaur under your bed. You would wake up lajgh at what extents your imagination can go.
But since moving here I have had dreamless nights.- until last night I had the worst nightmare on the books. Enough that not only did I get woke because of it but I woke up in a cold sweat and my heart beating out of my chest.
Something has affected me to the bad enough point that I had to endure my own horror. Just a simple scenario of me hanging out with soem friends having a good time that went horribly rotten. Then this gorry I can't believe I was capable of thinking this up. there was no rolling over to forget this. I didn't dare fall back asleep. And this has done nothing but roll through my mind all day.