When I Tell You I Miss You

When I tell you I miss you...
I'm not saying I cannot function without you.
I'm simply saying my life is better with you in it.

When I tell you I miss you...
I'm not saying that you are the center of my Universe.
I'm saying that I'm so glad that I discovered my Universe is better with you a part of it.

When I tell you I miss you...
I'm not saying that I am not enjoying my time away.
I'm saying that that I look forward to when I am with you again.

When I tell you I miss you...
I'm not saying I'm pathetic and needy.
I'm saying that I am so happy to be with someone who is secure enough to let me live my life as I need to.

When I tell you I miss you...
I'm not saying that I am miserable without you.
I'm saying the missing makes me excited about returning and enjoying the way you look at me, embrace me and show me that I matter to you.

I miss you ❤️

Amy and Fik-Shun Jazz "Under The Bridge" So You Think You Can Dance Seas...

Authenticity in rope

Rope is not merely for tying up another person. Rope is for untying oneself.

Rope fastens things together that are usually separate and, in the process, makes things new.

Rope puts bodies into shapes and positions in which they don't usually find themselves and, in the process, recreates ourselves physically.

Rope transfers control of a body from the mind that normally holds it to another mind and, in doing so, reshapes power.

Rope freezes things that would normally be moving and can help to move things that would normally be frozen. In doing so, rope redirects energy.

Ultimately, when we are no longer focusing on the technical movements of our hands, rope brings things from our heads into reality.

Rope is about imagination. When it becomes an extension of our arms, rope IS imagination. And desire and feeling.

Authentic rope does not reflect the teachings of a distant master, though such teachings may partially inform and inspire us. Authentic rope is oneself, extended.

Theory on y I am scared of relationships....

Here's my theory:

I don't like rejection. Actually, that's the epitome of an understatement. This came up in a couple classes I attended at MTKF this past weekend; the idea that to be rejected by your tribe is to die. And I would take it a step further, in that for me, it often feels like if I am rejected I will die. By the bartender, by the waitress, by the child in the store, my mother, your brother, my boss, anyfuckingbody can kill me with rejection. Which is why I either don't let you close enough to risk me getting rejected, or I push you away early enough to protect myself. Or I find something, some small, truly insignificant thing, by which I can claim and convince myself that any relationship beyond friendship and occasionally encounters of more-than-friends would surely fail. Weather this is the way you roll the toothpaste tube or the way you stack dishes in the drying rack, or the way you don't hold me tight enough.

Fucking E-PI-PHO-NY. Bitches.

Because I'm strong. Because I'm independent. Because I'm a hard working girl. Because shit ain't free. Because it's aftercare for a reason; it comes after something. Because I have to do something to deserve it.

I've made jokes about being in this for the aftercare before. But I never thought about how much truth there was to it. Potential truth. Because I was raised to be strong, to be independent, to take care of myself, to do things on my own. Because she was weak and he was non existent. Because when I had questions, they went unanswered. Because when I lowered the wall I got fucking trampled; All without my noticing. All without my consent. Because I wasn't given a choice, and didn't even know one existed for me. Because had I known there was such thing as individual freedom and that I was an individual that should be able to stand on her own. Without use of his arm, or her elbow, or the stuffy from childhood, or the chair from the table, or the blanket behind which to hide.

Care, on the other hand, care and kindness and niceties and love and gentleness just for the sake of loving and experiencing...that, I don't know how to deal with. Because hardwired into the full acceptance and sharing of such requires a level of openness and vulnerability that I simply am not able to handle right now, but am starting to with the help of someone.....I don't like thinking and knowing that you may leave. That whatever I did to make you happy initially may have worn off and that you may one day wake up and realize that I am, in fact, not enough to keep you happy. Because care for the sake of love and companionship and simply for care's sake implies a never-ending quality. That it will forever and forallways be as it is now. Which, more often than not, is farther from the truth than me describing the amazing steak I had for dinner.

those that arent wrapped in someones arms having a magical day :-)

Valentine

The world left us with no second chance We are the ones with no love here today But we get up in a hopefull stance And we pray that love will find a way

We are the broken ones lost in the mix Overlooked and left behind But we wish someone would come fix all the scars that are left in our mind

Watching kissing faces and clasping hands and all these happy couples glee And all these years keep falling with the sands As we wonder "What about me"

We've told ourselves today aint shit To hide from our pain We wait to find our perfect fit But suffer from no gain

But its times like these we realize We dont live this life alone But our friendship overcomes all goodbyes and give our souls a home

So joy we take in knowing that Our friendship makes us whole We are lost but have the greatest love The world could ever know

Friends

Friendship and friends. They are more than companions. They celebrate good times and bad times. More importantly, a good friend helps one grow and find our way in life. I've had some who begged and nudged. Others who've punched me in the nose. Each one of them had my interest in their heart and I appreciate them. A few have waited many many years until I was able to understand them. I apologize and thank you. I hope that we can be friends for many more years to come.

12 days of xmas

On the 12th day of Christmas my fetlife gave to me: 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 horny topics, 9 hot n populars, 8 groups posting, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 event invites, fiiiivvvveeee DRAMA Queeeennnss; 4 friend requests, 3 photo loves, 2 friends a pervin' and a creep who wont stop inboxing meee!!!!! Pahahahahahaha!!!!!!

Parting Ways

I take a step back and let you go, I told you I can't take it now you know. I do miss your smile; but I miss mine more....

Have you ever caught yourself being jealous of your Ex?

Never get jealous when you see your ex with someone else, because our parents taught us to give our used toys to the less fortunate

I miss you

when you miss someone it means that you enjoy their company, that you feel better about yourself when you are with them and that they are important to you. So when i say i miss you, that's what i mean. And i really do miss you, and i can't wait to see you again.

What is a real friend?

A real friend loves you through the good and the bad. When your at your highest they are their to soar with you. When you are at your lowest they are there to hold you while you cry and pick you back up. They never trivialize your pain by calling you dramatic and they never find reasons not to talk to you because your depressing. If they have to they dive down into depression with you to save you from yourself. They don't call you an idiot for for doing something that might be bad for you because they empathize with the emotions churning inside of you. No matter what, they have your back. When you need them most they put you above nearly everything. Some of you are this kind of friend and alot of you are not. I'd dedicate a song to the ones that aren't but your nowhere to be found. So fuck you

I want to sleep with you

And I don't mean have sex.
I mean sleep. Together.
Under my blankets. In my bed.
With my hand on your chest
and your arm around me. With
the window cracked so it's chilly
and we have to cuddle closer.
No talking, just blissfully,
happy, silence.

Toothpaste... the mystery substance

Why the f*ck does toothpaste fall so easily off your tooth-brush, but the second it hits the sink it turns into some apoxy resin type bullsh!t and you can't wash it down the drain to save your life?!

Dont strive to make your presence noticed; just make your absence felt.

My presence won't be noticed; but my absence will be felt.

Novella

I'm quick with the wit and faster on the comedy. Given any life situation I can make a joke about it. If you can laugh at the bad things in life they lose their potency to affect your world around you. If laughter really is the best medicine then you can call me House.

The sum of a humans life can never be brought to fruition in a few simple words. To obtain the entire workings of "ME" takes more than reading a single autobiographical paragraph. The type of person that feels they can know enough about me by reading this about me section is the exact person I don't want to be associated with. The complexities of body and mind that bend, contort, converge, mingle, amplify, intensify, justify, multiply and abide by one another to equate to the being that is me takes intelligence, insight, ambition and curiosity to even begin to scratch the surface.

I'm a closed book but open to all to read. A hermetic life of the party. Loyal to the grave on all that are deserving. Will cast you out like a stone skipping across a pond when you damage me. A life of ambiguities and of contradictions. Challenge my libido and gamble with your future associated with me. Challenge me intellectually and cement a place forever in my life.

Every person in our lives leaves a little piece of themselves with us. All these pieces combine to make the whole psyche. so the better the people one associates with, the better the person will be. C'est mon panache will be the answer when people ask who my friends are. If you want answers have questions ready, don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answers to. I will not sugar coat the truth, I will not pander to your feelings.

I strive for greatness while stuck in a rut. I will travel far from this place in an effort to wash away the sins of yesteryear and start anew. All the while pining for what once was and dreaming of what will be. Living for the moment but concentrating on the future. I have a plan in life that includes an uncertain path of multiple plans hopefully combining to become a life worth remembering. Until that day comes I shall stay complacent like a good little cog in the machine that is humanity.

Self Control

I've heard it said don't go to bed while hanging on to sorrow,
You may not have the chance to laugh with those you love tomorrow.

You may not mean the words you speak when anger takes its toll,
you may regret your actions once you lost your self-control.

When you've lost your temper and you've said some hurtful things,
think about the heartache that your actions sometimes bring.

You'll never get those moments back,
such precious time to waste,
and all because of things you said in anger and in haste.

So if you really love someone and your pride has settled in,
you may not ever have the chance to say to them again....

"I love you and I miss you, and although we don't agree,
I'll try to see your point of view, please do the same for me."

Peace comes in Rain

SOMETIMES YOU TRAP YOURSELF IN THE RAIN..... No DOWNPOUR SHOULD EVER HOLD YOU CAPTIVE when you're the CAPTIVATING part of its EXISTENCE... SEVENJ Too many times you BARE IT ALL to only see that you can't BARE IT ALL. This should never stop you from being who you are. MAN nor STORM should cause you to not be WOMAN nor QUEEN. Even in the RAIN a WOMAN appears to be even more sexier. Make-up drips away to expose a FOUNDATION that needed NO FOUNDATION. This STORM is what gives us a GLIMPSE of the TRUE BEAUTY UNDERNEATH the HAIR STYLES... That INNER BEAUTY BENEATH the EYE SHADOW. Stop letting the RAIN OF RESENTMENT become a DESTINY of unsure DOWNPOURS. You SEDUCE us as we see you gain strength. When it RAINS ON YOU... You better REIGN FOR US. Water can be DRIED OFF, but you shouldn't ever LOSE YOUR MOISTURE. If ANY man means more to you than LIFE ITSELF: That RELATIONSHIP will come with your COFFIN. You may see the DARKNESS IN THE OVERHEAD CLOUDS, but don't you ever have a FUNERAL FOR SELF. If he doesn't LOVE YOU ENOUGH to HANG AROUND: LOVE YOU ENOUGH to LET HIM GO. Even though you're STILL STANDING: There comes a time when you need to just WALK OFF. TORRENTIAL RAINS lasts because you STAY IN THEM... Not because THEY STAY AROUND YOU. When you find SHELTER IN LOVING YOURSELF from the INSIDE... It doesn't matter if there's a DOWNPOUR OF PAIN for you on the OUTSIDE. You'll SEE A MAN for WHO HE IS when you RECOGNIZE YOU for WHO YOU ARE. So if you THOUGHT he was WRONG FOR YOU: You should never THINK he can do RIGHT BY YOU. LOVE is a SET OF CIRCUMSTANCES that lead to a SET OF CERTAIN STANCES... You're more than WORTH THE GIVING OF IT, but always WORTH THE SHARING OF IT. And if what you HAVE IN LOVE TELLS YOU DIFFERENT: What you HAVE IN YOU should SHOW THEM BETTER. LADIES: If you aren't HAPPY NOW, but you stand there WAITING: You won't be HAPPY LATER because LOVE IS INTRODUCE at the START and will always KNOW YOUR NAME at the ENDING. If he makes you CRY A RIVER, but doesn't send a LIFE BOAT: You need to be DROWNING in SORROW. If you GIVE YOUR HEART, but GET BACK PAIN: GIVE IT UP and GET BACK RESPECT. Don't WAIT on a man to EXHALE when you haven't taken a DEEP BREATH for yourself yet. The STORM YOU'RE IN IS ON THE INSIDE even when you can feel the POUNDING OF RAIN ON THE OUTSIDE. Your LOVE FOR YOU PLACES AN UMBRELLA OVER YOUR HEART, but that STRENGTH IN YOU will PLACE AN UMBRELLA OVER YOUR HEAD....

Trying to put my finger on my rope scene Sat night of Shibaricon

The Rope acted as His extended embrace...

....my body was starving for touch; His Hands, His Lips, His teeth, were like morphine... just intoxicating; as I felt my self slowly slip away.

... His biting all over my body, the hands around my throat, they were all were intoxicating...

..The rope was pushing my body's limits.. just when I thought I was as contorted as I could be... He pushed it farther... and farther... From the tight rope to being thrown into the next position... to being so vulnerable because I was stuck; everything was at His will; it was beautifully overwhelming...

...my body was left pulsating; craving for more....

...I felt like Jellow, just when I thought I was totally spent, that I had slipped as far as I could go; Then the Rope Drag starts as I was unpackaged- and I was lost all over again.

Thank you, you know who you are :)

What is a Sir?

Above all else he cherishes his submissive, in the knowledge that the gift she gives him is the greatest of all. He can be demanding at times and may take full advantage of the power given to him, but knows how to share the pleasure and show the respect that comes from that precious gift.

He is in control of himself first and foremost, so that he may guide his sub to new areas of arousal and pleasure. As a firm Dom, he can cause his sub to shed real tears, not from pain but wanting to please him because she is always pleased and taken care of by him.. As the consummate lover, he will then kiss the tears away, without ever stepping out of character. His goal is never to hurt but to be able to control their emotional situations.

In times of trouble, a Dominant will leave the roles behind, to be a supportive friend and partner, never forgetting that this is still a loving relationship between two caring individuals. He is quick to understand the differences between fantasy and reality. He would never ask a submissive to put him before her career, or family, just to satisfy his own pleasure. He is kind and wise.

To win the mind of his submissive, body and soul, he knows he must first win her trust and heart. He will show his submissive humor, kindness, and warmth. He must also show her that his guidance and tutoring is knowledgeable and deserving of her attention, that this is a man she can learn from, trust his direction and respect.

When it comes time to teach his submissive her lessons of obedience, he is a strong and unyielding professor. Never talking down to her but always being careful with not only what is said but how it is said and what effect that will have on her. And any discipline is always followed by forgiveness and love and then we move on.

He is a careful guide, with safety always his main concern. He knows how to use the "outskirts" of pain to extend the bounds of pleasure. He is a mentor who can bring her to the edges of her envelope, and gently show her the inner courage to reach new heights.

He is always open to communication and discussion, always ready to hear her wants and needs. He is patient, taking the time to learn her limits, and knowing that as her trust of him grows, so will they.

He never has to demand ritual behavior by her. She responds to him out the want of pleasing him. Compliance comes from the wanting to please, not the fear of punishment. He understands the fragile nature of mind and body, and never violates the trust given to him.

He is secure enough to laugh at himself and the absurdities of life. Open minded enough to learn new things and strong enough to grow. His tools are mind, body, spirit and soul with a little help from rope, paddle and blindfold. He understands that each partner gains most from pleasuring the other. And both of them know that love is the only binding that truly holds.